After coming to terms with the reality of my marriage, I am working on reflection and self healing. I am searching for others who have experienced something similar and learning how to move forward. There are a lot of resources out there and tips for healing. One of the hardest things I have tried to do is to recognize and acknowledge my self worth. A toxic relationship teaches you that you are not worthy or not enough. Healing from these experiences and rediscovering myself has been one of the hardest things to do. And something that I struggle with on a daily basis.
Here are some steps I find helpful:
- Honor Your Emotions
- Recognize all of the emotions that you are feeling whether love, joy, sadness, longing, loneliness, or anger. They all serve a purpose and should be given space to come forward.
- Maintain Strong Relationships
- This can be difficult if you’ve been closed off from your friends and family while in a toxic relationship. Now is the time to reach out and reconnect with those that will support you. Be sure to surround yourself with positive people.
- Don’t Expect Closure
- You may never understand why things happen or what caused a person to act a certain way. Maintain a no contact rule and do not reach out just to “check in”. This will only invite more pain and allow the person a continued hold over you.
- Practice Self Care
- This can and will have many forms but find the activities, people, and moments that bring you joy. Seek these out often and be sure to prioritize yourself as you heal.
Yes, toxic relationships are hard, but do you know what else is hard? Your first healthy relationship after a toxic one. No one talks about how hard it is to unlearn all the toxic behaviors you adapted as a coping mechanism. How hard is it to convince yourself that you’re safe now?
reveal_narcissistic_abus on IG
I came across this caption on Instagram during a recent late night scroll session and it hit me in a way I was not expecting. I have spent a lot of time and energy acknowledging that the relationship was toxic and hard. But what I have not acknowledged yet is that healing from a toxic relationship is also hard. Moving forward is hard. Learning to love yourself is hard. Learning that others can love you is hard.
I have been spending a significant amount of time with someone that I adore and thankfully he has been patient as I work to unlearn my unhealthy, adaptive behaviors. For me this looks like constantly asking how he is doing and feeling, not vocalizing my needs and wants for fear of rejection, and doubting the sincerity of his words. I have been conditioned into these actions over time and must take the same amount of time to re-condition my mind and nervous system to a new way of living.
This blog has been cathartic for me and I hope, dear reader, that you gain some insight into your own experiences and find support here. You are worthy of love, happiness and all of the joy that life can bring you.
Life's Lemons 